you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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