Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
