I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
