I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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