My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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