Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
