apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
