He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
