Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
