Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
