I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
