I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
