oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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