He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
