He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
