i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
