I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bang-toberfest begins!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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