Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
