You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
