try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
