Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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