I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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