hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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