wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
