Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
