I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
