The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
