I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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