we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
