you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
