You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
