He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
