the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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