Plan B is the new Plan A
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
