next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
