You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
