I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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