yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
