My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
