Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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