My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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