Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
