i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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