So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
