I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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