I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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