so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
