you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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