Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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