nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
