Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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