Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
