and i looked up. we had an audience...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
