it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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