she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
