People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
