i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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